Sweeping Sanity

(My Wind)

(Verse 1:)

C             F      C            F      

Mountain stream runs deep

C  F   G   C

Cold like the bottom of the earth's sea

F  G  C

Hot like the lava under the earth's skin

F  C

Dark, neat, filled with critters unknown and never before seen

(Verse 2:)

C       F                 G         C

My wind is the strongest wind

F                          G            C

He inspires me to breathe in fully

F                          G             C

sO shArP, like the sting of a whIP

F                                           CFCF

Fast and free, intense and unruly

(Chorus 1:)

G   F

I thank heavens you gave me a dream

C                        F                 G       C

And I don't even go to church hardly ever!

F                       G           C

All I need is a picture and song

F        G

how on Earth did you come out to be so clever?

CF

(Verse 3:)

G                              F

Bright as the sun and just as fiery

C               F                G  C

You're the spark of the fire in me

F                       G           Am

Youthful glow ablaze eyes blue

F                                             CFCF

Spouting blessings as I look at you

(Bridge:)

GGFFCEaGFFddGGG7G7

FFGGCEaGFFddGGG7G7

CFCF

(Chorus 2:)

G      F                          

Stranger things have come along, darling

     C    F       G    C

If I keep this up we'll have a bible on you

F                               G            C

Sunday service in the name of a lover

F                                       Dm            G

      will I ever recover from you?? :-(   :D

(Verse 4:)

C             F           C                 F

Grounded like the Mother Earth herself

C  F       G      C

My rock is a gem in the raw

F  G      C 

Old like time, slightly unkempt

F

      He's a solid core

(Chorus 3:)

G                      F

Oh, It's a bit nauseating, I know.

C         F           G                 C

It's disruptive, disturbing, it's scary.

F                           G                   Am

Maybe one day my heart will move on,

Am   G   F

But for now

Dm

he whispers

F                              C       F   CFCF

sweeping sanity right out of me

©  DKM

Based on the number of times I have picked up items and put them back down after looking at them for a number of seconds, this journey will not be a simple one. But I am sure it will be a success, because from here there is nowhere to go but Up.

So far I have gotten rid of 2 calendars for 2014 and a wad of old fortune cookie fortunes. Tomorrow I will be getting rid of the rent check awaiting on my dining table, and a bag of trash. I will also buy food, cook, and get rid of a wad of cash as I begin guitar lessons.

Tomorrow I'd like to post my extra climbing shoes on ebay.

I see there are about 25 posts I have previously written and either never published or hid away under Drafts. Well, I'm done with that. Today I feel entitled to write and publish whatever I may well please. This is my blog. No problem. The internet is a clam. Brilliant! As it happens, a fortune cookie fortune reminded me to "Express [my]self!" and "share [my]self with others" before it went into the garbage..  :-)

Welcome to 2015 and another first day at attempting to change my life yet again.

Goals for 2015:
1) finish dissertation and graduate
2) get a job near Portland
3) move to Portland
4) have romance

Other things on my mind:
I have too much stuff. Get rid of stuff!
I don't have time to get rid of stuff because I need to focus on graduating.
If I get rid of stuff now, what will I do if I need it later?

Ok, so it appears that STUFF is a bit of a sore subject for me…
http://www.theminimalists.com has much to tell on the topic.

Notably, this is not the first time I am considering the minimalist lifestyle, but I am not so sure I can do it. Why not? If there was ever an individual willing to try, basically, ANYTHING, well, that's me!
I wonder what all I could learn on the journey of letting go of all of my extraneous possessions…
What if I save all the money collected from all the things I sell this year? How much money could I have by May? By August? By December 31? Perhaps I would no longer NEED a one-bedroom apartment, perhaps I wouldn't be dreaming of having a garage to STORE all of my "equipment" and "supplies"... Oh, how nice that would be… perhaps?

Honestly, the vast majority of my "supplies" fall under the SHOES category, but they are nice shoes. Here we can find 2 pairs of climbing shoes at $100-250 a pair, 2 pairs of cowboy boots, a Gucci I was lucky enough to snatch out of consignment, some Merrills for hiking; Doc Martin era Shelly's from London "with screws on the bottom", which I have not worn since high school; and some grandma-style bowling shoes, etc etc etc…. Seriously, do I need all those? What if I decide to go hiking again? How nice would those be? Ok, Merrills stay. What about climbing? Ok, well I should keep one pair of climbers - the cheaper ones, the more comfortable ones. The cowboy boots I will give a try. I'll post them to ebay for 2x the price i paid, and if they get sold, they get sold. Same for Gucci's. I will post all of those for More than I paid for them. My heart bleeds as I write these musings, as if i am IN LOVE with shoes.

But that is not all.

Then there is sporting equipment: pull-up bar, extra yoga mat, volleyball ball, foam roller, a tent, a blow-up mattress, horseshoes for those lucky enough to have a yard, bocci, compression ankle tights too small for me; socks, also too small for me….

Then there is clothing - stuff that doesn't fit me anymore, stuff that never fit me to begin with, and stuff I just really really like even though I'll never wear it - stuff that I want to pass to my kids mostly so they see how cool I was back in the day. Though I don't even have kids, and may never have kids….

I'm just not sure whether letting go of possessions today is a wise idea - to declutter and make a few bucks - or not such a good idea - risking to inadvertently let go of pieces of myself that I wish to keep to remind me of who I am and what I do and want to do. It seems more reasonable that the things I value so much for "reminding" me who I am are actually taking up my time, taking away from who I am.

And, as always, the answer is an ambivalent MAYBE, a resounding PERHAPS, and the final answer may only be obtained THROUGH the process.

This will be my lent for 2015: letting go of material possessions. One little step at a time I will pluck away pieces of my cluttered household to make room to breathe and grow spiritually. I hope to peel away layers of camouflage, eliminate distractions, and to find peace.

Now that I have mapped out the first steps on my journey, I hope to stick to it and get to the destination unknown, not quite perceivable in this mess, but intriguing and inviting in its simplicity.

And I'm graduating this year. That's a must.

the Promise land

It is known that setting goals and earning rewards is the holy grail of self-motivation, but the task of setting goals and coming up with motivating rewards can be unmotivating in itself. 

Try to recruit our most beloved unit of measurement: a dollar.

If, like me, you have lost trust in yourself, this is a great place to make a U-turn. Make a promise to yourself and keep it. When you do - add $1 to your Promises Kept jar :)

The Promises Kept jar is for rewards. Movies? Fro-yo? New boots? Vacation? Treat yo'self! You earned it.

I set aside a budget of $300 / mo for 'fun and promises kept', so that's about 10 promises per day. Right now that's more than I'm willing to promise, so day 1: 6 promises to keep. Right now I have $0, but we'll see how it goes :)

In science it is common practice to plot occurrences vs. time with time in the x-axis. This is very practical, but let us philosophize: does this suggest that time represents a movement forward? The time since the beginning of time is always increasing. Perhaps it's more appropriate to say that time grows, rather than moves forward, just like the collection of historic files is ever-increasing...

Think of a tree. It starts out as a seedling, which sprouts and tends to the surface through the soil towards the light. This tiny new organism must overcome the pressure of earth's surface and grow up through and around clay, rocks and debris to survive. With every step the seedling must find new energy, and with every step he grows stronger. Once the seedling makes it to the surface the rays of sunshine will shower it with energy, light, and a new motivation to grow bigger and stronger to enjoy more sun and more light. Every seedling must endure this climb to the surface, and if he makes it, he will have a chance to live and grow and reproduce. Still, new challenges arise every day, and every day the plant must endure. Appreciate the tree.

Many of us are lucky to be brought up by those who care most about us. From the very first time when we enter this world out of the mother's womb we are protected, nourished, and encouraged. This love and care are programmed into the human species as a necessity: small children are among the most helpless of intelligent creatures during the first year of life. Until we master our own ability to use our bodies and our minds to their capacity we need others to take care of us.

We are sheltered from the harshness of the world for so many years! But, inevitably, the human must learn to stand on their own two feet - first literally, then figuratively - and endure the normal challenges of living. On this journey just like the seedling we are rewarded with copious light and energy - the energy of the joy of living. That is, if we make it.

The sun will rise and fall every day at the horizon reminding us of the rhythm of life. Listen to the rhythm, understand it, anticipate the winds and the snow and the drought; adjust, involve your survival skills, your ever increasing experience, your intelligence, and you will endure. Grow. Be better. Don't just grow old, grow wise and strong, and you will see more sunshine in your life.